Mental Respect

I meant to link this post as soon as I first saw it.  This is what we are worried about with Sadie, and I expect no less of her siblings.  This is the problem we both had in school, especially Deb.

At the same time we dread trying to send her to school to be quashed into blandly sheeplike (appearance of) ordinary intelligence and hatred of education, we also feel overwhelmed at trying to do it ourselves.  What’s it going to be like with a kid who would rather invent her own often obscurely symbolic means of communication than use the English she darn well knows?  One who is already easily bored.  At the same time, one who is highly social compared to us.  Or at last not yet jaded into often avoiding rather than straight on encountering other people.

I certainly won’t hold her back.  I’m not going to sit well with her in a position for others to do so.  This should prove interesting as it unfolds.  Why should I treat her as an intelligent human until she’s 5 or 6, encouraging her to learn everything she wants to take in, then turn her over for mental torture?

1. Exactly!

   My Big-Eyed Boy uses obscure forms of communication, too. The other morning, for instance, he chided me for forgetting the “black water” at breakfast. After 5 long minutes in which I tried not to appear wholly clueless, he finally grew impatient and explained: “It’s syrup, Mom. Syrup!” He also uses phrases like “there’s not enough room for my breath” when we’re snuggling to signify that his head is buried too far in my shoulder, or “I like how your hair feels coolly smooth instead of roughly hot like mine” to differentiate between my straight tresses and his curls.

   I think he’s poetic. His teacher thinks he’s “not verbal enough.” Ironically, her progress reports chastise him for talking with classmates when he should be listening… so I can only assume she doesn’t know what she wants.

   It’s scary, thinking about putting everything else in my life on a lower priority than the task of teaching, mentoring and inspiring my child. Then again, I’ve noticed that each time I do just that—see everything else as less important—the stress just melts away.

   Posted by Venomous Kate  on  02/14  at  11:43 PM

2. Tina and I are in a slightly different position- considering taking our 8th grade son out of school and finishing his education at home.  Drew is very bright and mostly language-oriented. He began having math issues two years ago and has spiralled downwards ever since, to the point he is now failing most of his classes.

   We put him into the Sylvan program for math and within a week they called us in and were pretty blunt: get this kid the hell out of the public school. since then other developments have come forth with people from diverse positions basically echoing the same thing- he’s not a math wiza, but he’s brilliant,he’s suffering from deep clinical depression, and the public school system is not up to the task of teaching him.

   I’m currently trying to get my schedule re-worked so I can be home more during the week and Tina is digging into the research on homeschooling. It’s a daunting proposition, but it’s what parents need to do in a situation like this.  inaction is not an option.

   Posted by John  on  02/15  at  08:08 AM

3. As a private school teacher, look into alternative school programs.  There are some great private and public schools that are trying to get away from the “norm”.  Even home schooling is getting a boost from pre-made curriculum, joint athletic leagues, and county-wide support for parents.  A lot of museums, educational places, sports complexes, etc. offer deep discounts for home-schooled kids because they can come in off-peak times. 

   As always, reserch everything, and do what’s best for YOUR child!!

   Posted by  on  02/15  at  08:42 AM

4. What about Montasori type schools?  That could be a happy Medium.  The social interaction and being able to learn at there own pace and not having others holding them back.
   Might be something to look into

   Posted by Wayne  on  02/15  at  02:41 PM

5. Montessori is great in theory, but often super expensive.  Something to keep in mind.

   Sadie won’t have the socialization issues I had, thanks to Valerie, but I think school is critical for peer socialization, especially at early ages.

   Maybe a preschool where she can have fun with other kids, and you can see how she responds both to the structure and the being away from Mom and Dad, would be good for her and also help you make your decision.

   If you can find a school, Montessori or otherwise, even a public school, that will support and challenge her, then the benefits of going to school will probably outweigh the benefits of staying home for school.

   Just the two cents of the little girl who went to kindergarten twice because she didn’t like playing with the other kids and spent half the day in another classroom with older kids.....

   Posted by caltechgirl  on  02/15  at  03:10 PM

6. Montesourri is often a problem because they want the children to use the toys/objects in one particular way, and any other way is wrong. To really imaginative kids, it’s a horrible thing to tell them they can’t use the toys the way they want to! Of course, every Montesourri school is different, so this will vary from place to place.

   One good thing about these schools for smart kids, is they are placed in a room with kids of different ages. So if he’s 3, he can hang out with the 5 year olds, if they’re more on his mental level.

   Posted by  on  02/15  at  03:29 PM

7. Nowadays, there are more options than just holing up your kid for 8 hours in your house (that’s what I *used* to think homeschooling was) or sending her off to the dumbing-down factories.
   
   One thing I learned from a commenter at VK’s post was that it’s entirely possible to have a day’s homeschooling curriculum finished within 4 hours, because you’re not wasting time shushing 28 other kids or shuffling them from class to class. I’m thinking of homeschooling my future kids, anyway, but this idea further convinced me! And the fun fieldtrips!

   You can join a homeschooling group, with several families in it. You can have rotating classes during the day, or just be a support group for each other. Sometimes one parent who is better at a specific subject teaches all the students that topic. This way, kids are socialized and get out of your house for a bit, and you know they’re learning from an expert.
   
   My friend is a teacher at a charter school within her local public school system. The children there are in a “regular” school, but the educational standards are much higher. The waiting list is exceptionally long, though. You guys may have something like that available in your school district, also, and should look into it, soon!!
   
   Montessori schools are an option, but I don’t know much about them.
   
   You might have Sadie in public schools for only certain subjects during the day, also. I think this is more common in high school...?

   So, basically, I agree with everything everyone else said, and I know you’ll research your options and come up with the best solution for your kids. You’ve got a great bunch of people helping you out! We are just full of wonderful ideas, you know…

   Posted by Princess Jami  on  02/15  at  05:00 PM

8. The socialization issue comes up quite a bit and caused me concern as well. The home schooling books do a good job of addressing this, and even made a point I hadn’t considered.

   Specifically: just how much do we really want our kids to be influenced by their peers? That is, if you look at a group of 30 kids around your own child’s age, do you really want your child behaving like them… including the nose-picking, whining, balking, bullying, etc.? Or is the goal to raise a future adult, in which case we want our children’s socialization focusing on conversational skills and manners, respect for others, thoughtfulness, charity, empathy and self-control. Obviously, the books are drawing a distinction between socialization and “play time” but I think they do have a good point: we shouldn’t confuse one for the other.

   I do want my son to have play-time with his peers. I want him to enjoy imaginative play and romping physical activity, I want him to have rambunctious games of tag and afternoons throwing water balloons or riding bikes. I also want him to learn to fend for himself (and to protect those who can’t). Those are things he can—and should—get through “play time.”

   But those things don’t happen during public school attendance where recess is now cut to 20 minutes a day, lunch time is a hurried matter subject to teacher supervision, and disruption in class lands a kid on Ritalin.

   So I’ll have to make a point to ferry him to playdates with other homeschool kids and to both cultivate and maintain friendships with neighboring families whose children are around his age. That doesn’t take much effort, though.

   It’s worth it if it means the rest of the time my husband and I are his primary role-models and he grows (we hope) more mature than other kids his age while retaining his sense of childlike innocence and fun.

   Posted by Venomous Kate  on  02/15  at  08:52 PM

9. I realize I’m late to the party here - but VK, if you haven’t started home schooling yet, then in the meantime, let your son stay home from school once in a while.  I have incredibly bright kids, and they are both in the gifted program, but they’re not “conventionally” gifted so the program is only of so-so value.  My son does okay but my daughter is high-strung.  She has okay grades but she really doesn’t like school.

   She used to pretend to get sick.  Several years ago, I said, are you sick or do you just want to stay home?  Do you have a test?  No, no test, she just really didn’t want to go to school.

   So I let her stay home.  As bright as she is, if she misses school occasionally, then the school work actually becomes a little more challenging.  A few days here and there won’t hurt anything (make sure you know the minimum the kid needs to be in school to get credit for the year) and gives the kid a relief valve that may help him/her survive the rest of the time.

   Best of luck.

   By the way, I am a former teacher - I know what they are and aren’t doing there.  It’s not magic.

   Posted by  on  02/22  at  12:04 AM

10. Ahh, yes, my mom let us “play sick” every once in a while for a mental health day. She didn’t tell us that she knew we were faking the occasional illness until we were nearly out of school.

    Posted by  on  02/23  at  08:16 PM

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